Breastfeeding: Is it as easy as it looks?

Breast Feeding: Easy or Hard? The ultimate question in the newborn baby realm.

Well isn’t that the question to end all questions when having a new baby. There are so many resources on the internet that are pro-breast feeding, how it is so natural and the best thing for your soon to be prince or princess, then just as if there wasn’t enough pro-breastfeeding propaganda (I say propaganda because it has gotten to the point now where these days its another item to be sold or to convince you it’s a need), there is also an equal amount (if not more) of anti-breastfeeding information. It is common knowledge that breastfeeding is amazing for both you and baby, but it can be extremely hard, as I am sure you have already read a plethora of horror stories, issues, infections associated with breastfeeding or at the very least you would have somewhere heard all about how breastfeeding is not only best, but it isn’t that hard…. Either way, a simple google search will give you so much information your head will want to either implode or outwardly explode (introvert vs extrovert reactions).

So which point of view is right? On one hand, there is the opinion that breastfeeding is super easy, beneficial for both you and baby and better than formula – you can also add to this (occasionally) the passive aggressive (most of the time implied) opinion that if you choose to not breastfeed you are somehow less of a mother. On the other hand you have the opinion that breastfeeding is hard, time consuming, painful and that formula or breast doesn’t make a difference – on top of this you can also add the passive aggressive insinuations that if you are breastfeeding, you must think your better than everyone else, or that feeling that you must justify your decision (generally most mothers choose to just say that they got infections or had issues, even if it is not true, because who wants to listen to all about how your wrong for your choice).

I don’t know when the choice between feeding options for a newborn turned into world war three in a mothers group, I don’t think anyone knows. From experience it is a competition type topic and mothers become extremely aggressive about their chosen view, some will even put down others or even choose not to even acknowledge someone from the opposing view. I have been on the receiving end of this – for both ends, I have breast fed and formula fed children in my care. It is not a nice feeling. If someone could tell me how such a minor issue became the basis of judgement against others so aggressively. Its not like there was a Nazi mother who took over the mothering world thus we are in the middle of a war for and against breastfeeding.

Back to the original question as I digress (surprise surprise). Which is correct? Breastfeeding or no? All the medical world will tell you “Breast is Best” and to an extent I agree with them. Scientifically though (and again my academic brain kicks in), there is no real reason to feel forced into breastfeeding. If I had to 100% agree with a statement regarding feeding a baby, I would have to put my faith in the human that coined the phrase “Fed is Best”. Why? Because it is true. No matter what side of the fence you decide to stand on (of if you’re like me and decide to sit on the fence and not listen to anyone on either side), you just want to feed your baby. Why should it matter how your baby gets fed and is nourished? If it is happening, no one should be judging you. In fact, I believe that there is already too much hate and persecution in this world for us to add to it. I don’t think we as mothers, have a right to add to it for the sake of bottle versus boob. In general, I don’t think we as mothers, or fathers or sisters or brothers should be adding any hate at all, hate begets hate after all. Besides who cares how a baby is fed?

I digressed again. The original question is simply put which is easier breastfeeding or bottle/formula feeding? Well the answer is, there is no answer. Simply put, one must choose what’s going to fit into their lifestyle, health and baby’s needs/wants the best.

Let’s take my experiences with my own child for instance. I found breastfeeding to be extremely easy when Kyran arrived, we had good attachment (latching), great supply and it was so easy to go out etc because I didn’t have to spend 45 minutes estimating how long I was going to be out, so I could take the right amounts of formula, bottles and sterilised water. I could just take what I expressed and if I ran out, well the milking cow is right there ready and waiting. It was also easy with the nappy bag, as I mentioned in my previous post I chose my initial baby bag poorly so taking bottles was almost impossible. It also was a dream breastfeeding and having bub in my room. It meant that there was no delay in comforting him back to sleep, I didn’t have to spend 5 minutes boiling the kettle and fiddling with temperatures to get the right warmth for him. Not too mention cost wise, breastfeeding is far cheaper, with formula in my area now reaching all time price highs of nearly $45 a tin.

It was easy, it also was easy not having to listen to people tell me all about how I am not being fair to my baby by choosing to bottle feed. I had so many mummy friends that I had to defend (I am quite an extrovert and don’t tend to let things slide) because they were bottle feeding their kids.

Then things got bad, not only was a struggling with postnatal depression but my son had managed to contract thrush in his mouth. Which was then promptly transferred to both my breasts. Oh my god the pain…. Thrush infections can be quite common in breastfeeding women, but it is not pleasant. I kept breastfeeding through the pain, to the point where I was screaming in agony whilst breastfeeding. I didn’t want to stop, after all I had midwives in my ear telling me not to and that it would be detrimental to do so as early on as it was. Anyway, breastfeeding became extremely difficult, I couldn’t bring myself to express anymore because of the pain, Kyran’s latching was terrible because he was in pain in his mouth as well and both of us were just feeding off each other’s negativity. It wasn’t until my partner caught me crying in the shower that he told me it was time to switch.

Bottle feeding was a breeze in comparison to what I was going through just to feed my baby with the infection. See why I say that neither option is easier than the other.

What I will say, is breastfeeding is not always hard. Whenever you tell people you plan on breastfeeding, your met with admiration followed up with warnings about weaning, and its going to be exhausting for you, your hubby won’t be able to bond with the baby as well because you will be the only one feeding. Well whilst all this CAN be true, it isn’t always true. Just like breastfeeding isn’t always easy, neither is bottle feeding.

The challenged I then had to face with bottle feeding when I stopped breastfeeding (Kyran was 6-8 weeks at this point), was constant judgement from my friends (even the ones who bottle fed). Constant questioning and constant remarks of “oh it was just thrush, you could have treated that and then boosted your supply using pills, or certain foods”, it seems that even if you told someone you contracted cancer whilst breastfeeding and had to stop, they would still tell you that you had made the wrong decision in stopping. I couldn’t believe the lack of support from friends, family and even my medical team. Bottle feeding was extremely difficult – where breastfeeding had its hard times physically, bottle feeding was equally as hard if not worse emotionally.

The cold hard truth that no one seems to write about or wants to say (at risk of putting strain or stress on mums-to-be or to put those considering babies off I suppose), is simply – babies are hard, child rearing is hard, parenting is hard. Even if you have the patience of a saint, the milk supply of a dairy cow, and David and Victoria Beckham’s bank balance, having children is hard. There is no easy way out, or easy way to do things because everything has its challenges, going to the shops for a carton of milk can turn into a 2-hour ordeal if you have an agitated toddler or a sickly baby. All you can do is the best you know how and work within your limits.

Right now, you may be thinking “but Anni, this hasn’t helped at all and now I don’t know what to do”. Its true this is a big decision, but remember the decision isn’t life of death, your child isn’t going to die if you choose to bottle feed instead of breastfeeding, nor are you going to be any less of a mother if you choose to do one or the other or even a combination of both. At the end of the day, despite what everyone else may or may not think of you, you are your worse critic and you are the one who needs to answer to yourself ultimately. So, what’s the answer? The answer is do what you feel in your heart is best. Because if you know its best for your family deep down, no amount of criticism, judgement or passive aggressive comments are going to bother you.

As usual,

Forever Yours

Anni