My First Baby
Well before we go to deep into what pregnancy was like for me (and still is like for me #babynumber2), lets talk about family. So in my "tribe" we have myself a stay at home mum who currently runs a home business (well at least trying to - toddlers are a handful after all), my partner who works away from home, my son who is now 19 months old (I know exhausting right) and of course we cannot forget the animals: 4 horses, 2 dogs, 2 cats, a python and Skittles the Lorikeet.
Although I could go on and on about the animals and my life as a mum but that wouldn't really be starting from the beginning would it? So I thought this post would include a brief introduction into who lives at home and then move onto what my pregnancy with Kyran (my son) was like.
Man what a roller-coaster. I think my pregnancy with Kyran was the most exciting and the most difficult time of my life. Why? Well lets put it this way. I have never been one to be responsible for other people. I lived my life carefree and did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, so the idea of suddenly being responsible for a whole other life form was daunting and well flared up my already terrible anxiety something chronic.
Obviously emotionally I was terrified. Being 100% responsible for the life of another human, so quickly and permanently. No take backsey. Let's be real here, there is no amount of preparing for that second line (or whatever fancy positive signals you get these days) will prepare you for the tsunami of emotions that hits.
From that first second your life changes. Off to the doctors we go! Already I am being told my responsibilities to this tiny blip on a computer screen. What to eat, what not to eat, take vitamins, and the list goes on and on. For our lovely family members who are yet to experience this, imagine your head is a balloon. Slowly and slowly it is being filled with air - to the point of bursting and then ease off just a little bit. Well thats the first doctors appointment aftermath. Fun.... right?
When I drafted this post, I wrote pages and pages about anxiety and my first pregnancy. But now I am here typing it out I thought it was a little heavy for my very first blog post. In saying that, I know there are a a lot of Mummas-to-be who will need help with their anxiety and don't worry I will cover it. But not today.
What I will say is that the first 3 months of my pregnancy with Kyran was filled with head spinning, head reeling anxiety and stress. It was a very difficult time of my life and I don't know how I would have managed without my partner. So ladies it is important you keep your partner or support person involved every step of the way. Otherwise you may find yourself falling in an emotional rutt that is very easy to trip into - not so easy to come out of.
Once I moved past the initial shock of things, I had a relatively easy first pregnancy. All be it more complicated then most. It was a time filled with excitement, anticipation and just a hint of "oh my god what the hell am I doing?". Suddenly I was lost in a world of jumpsuits, baby swings and prams. So many things and so little time. Well thats what it felt like anyway. If I am honest, I wasn't as thrifty as I am this time round and I am not very proud to say that with Kyran, I got lost in the baby obsession. Nothing could be second hand because that would reflect poorly on me as a mother (or so I thought, I know! Completely insane). There's a message here Mummas. Do not get lost in having to have brand new everything for your new addition, honestly. I have spoken to so many new mothers who say the same thing to me, "secondhand means I cannot provide for my child, I just want the baby to have all the best things". First and foremost your ability as a mother is not reliant on the limits of the wallet. But I didn't know this either the first time round. Hindsight is the best sight I guess. Don't worry I will be sure to post a list of things that I found amazing for my bubs so that you're not lost in the never ending abis that is Baby Warehouse, just be patient with me.
After all the waiting, the shopping, the hormonal breakdowns, and yes I haven't forgotten the morning sickness. He was finally arriving. Well by arriving I mean I was induced due to the sheer hugeness of his body. Being induced was really not the most pleasant thing I have ever experienced. I had gestational diabetes whilst pregnant with Kyran and was insulin dependant for about 4 months of my pregnancy. As a result my son was very very large (10.2 pounds). The doctors started with something called a stretch and sweep, this is to help induce labour without the use of drugs. Well that didn't work out so well for us. As my medical team put it "Your pelvic floor is too muscular for the stretch and sweep", so chemical induction it was.
The labour was about 6 hours and then my little boy came into the world.
You know how they say, the sleepless nights prior to labour is preparing you for a lifetime of no sleep. WRONG!!!Nothing prepares you. Labour then when all you want to do is sleep, after hours and hours of labour, your body feels like its going to fall apart, and now we have a little bundle of joy who wants nothing but you to hold them and feed them. But I can tell you, even when you were feel like your going to fall apart, or just go out of your mind, you take a look in the bassinet beside you and it all melts away.
I have never been so in love and so happy. I have never been so exhausted either.
So that is about as brief as it gets. A quick run down of my pregnancy with Kyran. I will be doing a deeper involved post about Gestational diabetes and my journey with pregnancy and anxiety.
Time to go and parent.
Forever Yours
Anni